Back in 2010

There are so many things to say about this picture. You may start with the obvious-- my parents are married. Little Kyla is only one year old. Some of us are heavier, some are thinner...

This picture was taken two years ago. November 2010. It is in the basement of my house. Greg and I had just bought this house the month prior, having moved from Pella. I wanted to be closer to my family. To teach Kyla what a normal family was like-- Spending time together on the weekends, getting spoiled by grandparents, being home for the holidays...
My friend, Tina, took this picture. She was the one person I knew who would drop everything on a Sunday afternoon to do us a favor. And, no doubt, she could get Kyla to smile. She died in February...
I must have just been pregnant with Nolan here, but didn't know it yet...
This picture was hanging in everyone's kitchen (Merry Christmas (from the happy, smiling Walenburgs)) when my dad walked out on my mom. It never did surprise me that he left. What shocked me is that he never went back.
I am not suprised either, that my mom has changed. What shocks me is that she is no longer the person that she was in this picture.

This is the last picture that I will have of my family, and it saddens me that Nolan (technically) isn't in it.
Although one might hate this picture, as a reminder of how things have turned out, it means a lot to me. The memories.
We had a lot of fun- games, dinner nights, family trips, pictures, jokes.
We've all been forced to move on, to suck it up and make the best of a crappy situation. And, so we do. But, I think of this often... how things were... in 2010.

Bethlehem

My friend, Tina spoke to me. Not in a creepy "I hear voices" sort of way, but she left me something, which I received nearly 3 months after she died. A couple weeks ago, Tina's mom (Lori) gave me this paper bag. My name is written clearly (in Tina's handwriting). I opened the bag and Lori explained that it is a nativity scene carved from wood in Bethlehem. Tina bought it for me in Bethlehem when she was there with her family. Lori said "it's just something small." But, to me, it's one of the hugest gifts anyone ever gave me. I sobbed.
Not sure if she purchased one for anyone else, and not sure why she'd get this for me. Maybe it's because of the faith we shared. We grew up in the same Christian school and Christian Reformed Church. We talked about our church lives on occasion, and have attended each other's churches recently. When you grow up "CRC" there are just things you understand about your fellow Christian/church member, and Tina and I were open to talk about God's plans and works around us.
...Tina was in Bethlehem, just a few weeks before she died... The place in which Jesus was born. The place in which continual forgiveness of sins originated. That is so amazing.
The nativity scene seems "Christmasy" at first, but really, why not be reminded throughout the year that God sent his son for everyone, to later die for our sins?
Lately I'm feeling a bit distressed. I try to be a good person, and I strive to stay positive in everything. But, life is tough. Sometimes I seem to wonder: if God is present to make our lives great, why does he allow such misery? Maybe I'm just letting the misery get to me. (side note- I looked up the definition of misery: "unhappy or very uncomfortable, depressed") Yep... that's me (not all the time, but sometimes.)
Tina was a wonderful Christian. You could see it in her smile. Positive... she was so positive. If everyone were like Tina, I swear the world would be nearly perfect... never on time, but happy. :)
I look upon this little wooden ornament and am not only reminded to thank God for sending Jesus to earth, but to also thank Him for sending Tina.
When I die, I hope people say half the nice things they had to say about Tina. Therefore, I shall not let the misery of life get the best of me. I will stay positive, non-judgemental, and over-all happy! I pray that also for anyone else struggling with the stresses of life.
Man, I miss Tina. I wish she were here to cheer me through my struggles and goals... and for so, so many other things.

Life is Good

I swore off blogging about an hour ago, but I find that these are the times I need it most. It's like a free therapy session (because trust me, therapy is kinda expensive, I've been there!) Life is a roller coaster, although, over all, my life has been good. My parents did get divorced. I lost one of my best friends. I did fall and break my wrist, and then badly sprain my ankle. There are some new stressors at my job. AND Nolan injured his poor little wrist. (We have a few medical bills to catch up on.) When you're in a down mood, there's lots of bad things that come to mind. I could go on and on. Mainly what I want to say today is, divorce sucks. All sides of it suck. Although, I really only know the "child of divorce" side. It causes such a huge strain on everyone. It doesn't matter who did what wrong, and who is doing what now. Emotions come and go and come again. But, my life IS good- because I have a wonderful Lord, an amazing husband, beautiful kids, and a support system. Just looking up, I realize I bought a metal decor item to put in my kitchen today. "Life is Good." Coincidence? Maybe, and what an appropriate reminder.

Mother's Day

I had my mom and family over for supper tonight to celebrate Mother's Day. There was this moment in the back yard this evening, in which we were playing yard games, all having a good time, and I thought "hmm, this is like a normal family." Then I realized that my mom's boyfriend and his daughter were hanging out with us, and my dad was not there, but was probably celebrating somewhere else with his live-in girlfriend. But, then again, what is a normal family? Ha.

Small blessings in ridiculous circumstances

I want to rip this splint of my arm! It is hot and claustrophobic and in the way!
My wrist still hurts a bit (see the story below) but I realize i need to follow the treatment, because I don't want it to hurt the rest of my life.
I try to be as productive as possible, on my days off work, but I don't think I'll be vacuuming or cleaning the shower real soon.

I may be using this inury as a way to get out of things. But, the other day, I got home from work, and Greg had made porkchops for supper. He felt bad when he remembered I wouldn't be able to cut it, so my porkchop was all cut up into bite-size peices for me on the table. So sweet, didn't even have to ask him :)
Greg will be great around the house, as usual.
Another blessing- a church-group lady called me this afternoon to see if I needed help with anything. She offered to bring some meals to help out. So nice!
Both of my parents have also been helping with the kids. I can get by, but it's definately more difficult than usual.

Hoping for quick healing, without surgery.

Owie!

Well, I broke my wrist!
On Friday night, we had a fun night with a group of coworkers, dancing, having some wine, and doing Zumba! I have a chronically "bad" knee, which dislocates after too much stress on it.
After doing Zumba for almost an hour, my knee went out and I fell. (this happens to me every month or two) But this time, I nearly passed out after I got off the floor to stretch my knee out. I soon realized that it was my right wrist that hurt!
I just assumed it was a sprain, and didn't want to be a baby, so I hung out for another hour or so, then headed home. Greg wrapped my wrist and I iced it.
The next morning, Greg had gone to work, and I couldn't do anything without swearing or crying. So, I called my wonderful friend, Katy to come watch the kids while I went to Acute Care.
After some xrays, I was diagnosed with a non-displaced scaphoid fracture and send home with a wrist brace. I was told to go to the orthopedic walk-in clinic on Monday.
So, I went to work on Monday, and after I took care of all my patients, I headed across the street of the hospital to orthopedics. The PA put a gigantic splint on my arm (as seen in the photo, which Kyla took) to make sure I have no use of my thumb, and told me to come back in one week to see the doctor and put a cast on.
I got quite depressed about the cast thing. It's hard to take care of the kids, and myself, really. I'll need to go in to the orthopedic clinic every two weeks to be sure my bone is healing. It can be a really slow-healing bone, apparently. Another thing I was upset about was the bills that will come from an injury (we're still paying Sanford for the birth of Nolan!)
I continue to work, although my arm gets sore after using it all day. And life is a bit difficult without any use of my right thumb! Frustrating, but not much I can do about it!
Day by day. This too shall pass.

Nolan Delos ~ 6 months old

Nolan is 6(+) months old already! Finally had his pictures taken today. He wasn't very smiley, but they turned out good.

Nolan sits up well on his own.
He rolls well.
He will scoot himself back while doing "mini-pushups"
He loves his exersaucer and piano toy
He weighed only 14lb 9oz at his 6 month appointment. He's my little peanut.
He loves to eat and has had a variety of homemade babyfood: avacado, banana, apple, peas, beans, carrots, sweet potato, squash. I don't know that he even has a favorite, he'll eat anything!

I definately treat him like the youngest child (which he likely always will be). I don't ever want him to get big... can't imagine him being "terribly two" like his sisiter! :)